“You’ll get out what you put in.” It was a confirmation class with the youth and the adults, so I wanted to say anything that would grab their attention. I’d prepared notebooks and slideshows; I’d spent time on the phone with seasoned clergy and lay leaders; I’d ‘put in’ quite a bit. My hope was that they’d all read, mark, and inwardly digest the materials—I mean, didn’t we all? What I had missed was essential to my own growth…it’s the main piece that I got out: People are different, not having the same passion for church nerdery as others. For some, that class was a means to pacify parents, partners, or peers; for others, it was a deeply connected conversation with God which led to confirming baptismal vows spoken on their behalf or from their own lips. In hindsight, my opening statement to that class was probably not as powerful as I’d intended…most likely (like everything else) it was received by those who were there in earnest and it fell on deaf ears by those who weren’t. Their experience had little to do with how I had prepared and more to do with the desire they held to learn.
In short: It’s not always all about me.
To be clear, I hate it when people say that. “It’s not always about you, Sean.” Yeah, I know. I didn’t intentionally think it was. Thanks for making a statement that adds anger to frustration. And also, thanks for the emphasis on my name…THAT makes it much easier to receive. If you know me, you know that I struggle with a sense of perfectionism that stems from insecurity—this has to go right or my worth will be diminished. And as you’re reading this, I wonder if you’ve thought, “Well, so far this article is all about you…lol. What’s the point?”
Well, it’s not all about me.
We live in a current climate of chaos. Our worth is tied up in our beliefs, our aspirations, our work, and our practices. And yet, our worth has nothing to do with what’s going on. A pandemic happens: Some prepare for the long-haul and shut themselves in, while others make statements like, “It’s fake, there’s nothing going on out there any more dangerous than the flu.” Part of the pandemic life is wearing a mask—and yet even there we can’t agree, choosing instead to make a stand for or against them. “If you don’t wear a mask, you don’t care about me.” “If you make me wear a mask, you don’t care about my beliefs.”
Well, it’s not all about you. Sometimes doing something that makes someone else feel safe is necessary, even if you don’t agree. And in that same sense, shaming someone for their lack of belief in masks is tantamount to shaming someone’s lack of belief in God. We don’t win hearts by attacking atheists—we win hearts by sharing our thoughts, listening to theirs, and continuing to live in a way that starts and ends with love. The same could and should be said about how we interact in every other conversation. Our worth isn’t tied up into what we perceive as right—it’s already been vaulted to the highest possible point by virtue of our creation in the Imago Dei. So why fight about masks—do you think you’re going to get through to people who disagree either way? I’m sure some of you want to disagree with me, right now, about masks. “Science proves…” “My rights are violated…” Yes. To both. But again, it’s not all about you. Masks are required to be most places these days; we don’t need the added insult of name shaming on those who disagree. And masks are required to be most places; disagreeing won’t change the rules.
We also find ourselves within an election year. “If you don’t vote Republican/Democrat, you don’t care about your neighbor; you aren’t Christian; you must be an idiot (actual words I’ve seen from church people around the country). “If you’re an independent, you’re wasting your vote, one that could go to my side.” Again, it’s not all about you. People are going to disagree. Period. It’s something in our created nature that allows us to exercise free will, at will. Do the statements and arguments help? Not really. If someone wanted to change their mind, they would have long before you or I got to them with our super genius words and apologetics. Our worth isn’t tied up in that, either.
Again, our worth comes from a long line of love by virtue of the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ. Nothing. Else.
We’re making everything about us, when in reality, we might want to stop and think about why. This Pandemic will be here for a while. This election year is going to happen and the results will be what they will be. People will write things and we will disagree. People will say things and we will want to argue. But if we’re interacting in our daily lives as true followers of Jesus—Love your neighbor, Love God, love yourself—then shouldn’t that mean that we stick to the stuff that we can change?
Violence has no place in our society.
Poverty is the root of most of our problems.
People shouldn’t be shot in classrooms, on streets, in cars, or in their homes.
A person’s skin color—including white—doesn’t make them evil or good. It makes them human.
Loving your neighbor is hard. Loving yourself is hard. And yes, sometimes loving God can be hard. But we still have to do our best.
In God’s eyes, it IS all about you and me. We are the center of God’s world—the beautiful creation made manifest through love and divine design. Fluffy words don’t make that statement true: It’s true because God said, “I AM…and you shall be made in my image.” So maybe we do get out what we put into things. If we put in hateful words, we get back hateful words. If we put in arguments to satisfy our own beliefs, we get back broken relationships. However…If we put in love, we will receive grace—the love of God. If we put in time to listen, we will receive someone else’s perspective and have the opportunity to grow from that experience. If we put others before us, we will get out of our own way and perhaps make this world a bit better than we found it.
It isn’t about you. It isn’t about me. It’s about us.
And we need us to make it through these times.
All of us.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+