As a kid, I did chores. I don’t mean to brag, but I was a chore expert—I could make beds and dust furniture, vacuum floors and do dishes better than anyone I knew. Mainly I completed my tasks out of fear for retribution from my parents; I liked freedom to roam and wished to avoid solitary confinement. But I also knew that, if I completed my duties as assigned, I’d receive compensation of some sort. The merit system was alive and well in our home, and I played that system to its fullest. I would give my time and talent, and then my parents would give me their treasure. What a great system.
This allowance was one of mutual benefit. Something was given, something was received, by all parties involved. In the case of dereliction of duty, laziness was given and punishment was received. In the case of fulfillment of duty, praise and prizes were received. This is how we understand relationship as humans—a system of merit and demerit, ‘you get what you give’ ideology. While it may work between parents and children, or even employers and workers, this is not how it works with God…and I think we forget that. Or we simply map our human ways to God’s ways. Dreadful, that. And woefully ignorant on our part.
While God is parent to each of us, the grace given by God is free. That treasure that we so eagerly seek whether it be in the form of money, power, promotion, curatives, love—all of those things are not given because of something we’ve done to earn them. God doesn’t work that way, and too often we act as though that’s the relationship. We act good, God ‘blesses’ us. We act poorly, God ‘punishes’ us. While I think there are outlying circumstances in which this could be the case (especially in the Old Testament), God doesn’t withhold grace due to our accomplishments or failures; nor is that grace bestowed from a sense of being deserved. It isn’t earned grace; it’s free, unconditional, and abundant.
So why then do we blame God for the lack of ‘good’ in our lives? When a loved one dies, why are we angry at God? When we lose a job, or a friend; when someone we love gets sick or hurt; when things just aren’t going our way… Why do we blame God and rail against the creator of the universe, stating, “I’ve given you this, or done that; why haven’t you rewarded my acts…my faith!?” Too often I witness this within myself and those around me. And it begs the question:
Are our memories so short?
Do we not remember that God front-loaded our existence with a gift greater than any we could ever earn? Do we forget that, in our human system of give-and-take that God gave us a human form of Jesus and we took it away? We killed him. And every time we lament that which we don’t have, or become angry about something tragic in our lives and then place that blame on God, we continue to kill him. God didn’t have to give Christ to us; Jesus was and is an eternal gift that we neither deserve or earned. God doesn’t have to answer our prayers—yet we find instances of the miraculous within our midst on a daily basis. Don’t believe that last part? The very fact that you’re reading this is a miracle—how else would you explain that you have eyes to see and sentience to understand? You didn’t create those, God did. In the giving of Godself, we were made perfect by sacrifice. And how do we return that favor? We give God grief over that which we still don’t have. I often wonder if God has run out of ways to prove his love for us. How many miracles do we need? How many promotions? How much money? How much love? How many affirmations from others? Just exactly how much grace is enough to finally sate our appetite for happiness?
God gives and gives and gives. We take and take and take. We do it to each other, too. We live in a moment when lamentations are more audible than prayers of thanksgiving—yet isn’t Jesus still the one who died for us? We blame God for not answering this cry for help out of isolation and despair, yet weren’t we made with minds that created technology to connect us? My real concern is this: I don’t think we’re angry with God for abandoning us—I think we’re angry with God for not giving us what we want and how we want it.
Times are tough. People are sick. People are dying. God isn’t doing that—Covid, violence, poor eating habits, and nature are to blame. Maybe it’s time we give to God without expectation for more, because quite frankly, we’ve already received the most treasured possession God ever created…
Our lives. And the life of Jesus Christ. That’s how much God loves us. When we didn’t do our part, God still gave us a reward—the reward of eternal life. I need to remember that more often, so I thought maybe you did, too.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+