Death is not the end. We preach that, we teach that, we live by that creed. But death is still something that deeply affects us. People often search for the ‘right’ words to say when someone they love is going through grief, but the secret?
There are no right words.
No matter what we say, death still causes pain to us. It’s not as easy as Scripture makes it, “Death, where is thy sting?” Well, honestly Bible person, it’s stinging in my heart because I lost someone dear to me. That’s where its sting is. Of course, the Scriptures aren’t talking about pain, they’re referring to the finality of death. And that’s where I feel like we make mistakes. We misinterpret the Bible as saying, “Don’t be sad, don’t go through grief—you should have bigger faith than that.” That’s not how it was intended. At least, in my addled mind.
Death is a part of life, part of the cycle that makes up the human condition. I’ve accepted that. I accept that we will all lose people we love to bodily death. I accept that we (mostly) also hold hope of the resurrection and that our faith will guide us through loss. What I don’t accept? That grieving is not allowed. If you show me a person who says, “You know, you shouldn’t be too sad, they lived a long life,” OR “You know, God has them now, so you should be happy!” Show me that person…and you may see a priest turn into a cage fighter.
It's okay to be sad. It’s okay to grieve. Hell, if you don’t grieve, I’m actually a little more worried about you than normal.
The beautiful thing about that grief? (And perhaps the only beautiful thing)…God grieves with us. As any good parent would, God is always there, ready to carry us through the toughest of times—the times when we’re so aggrieved that we can’t see through the sea of tears flowing from our eyes and the ocean of sadness floating in our hearts. God is there. When we are angry at a loss that makes no sense. God is there. When we’re too young to lose a parent, too in love to lose a spouse, too lost and feeling betrayed when we lose a child. God is there.
When we continue to bury people we love, again and again…
God is there.
To be part of someone’s life is an honor, a privilege to possess the currency of love with which we afford each other’s memories and time. There is no greater possession than the relationship we have with those we love. When death occurs, the sting is there—but not the Sting of forever. That’s the truth of the Good News. When we are able to grieve in a holy way, it means that we understand that alongside all the other feelings surrounding our losses. It’s the only way we can continue on—knowing that no matter how we feel, God is there, and the relationship we had with whomever we lost mattered.
Lately, we’ve lost quite a few folks to death, but heaven gained quite a few souls to run the streets of gold. It isn’t easy to think of it that way, but it’s what sustains me. It’s what allows me to continue on, knowing that I believe in the resurrection, and that I know we will all eventually go to that place where there is no sadness or grief, no pain or sorrow, but life everlasting. It also allows me to grieve. To shed holy tears for Rick. For Joe. For Judy. For Wil.
For Duane.
For every person that our community has lost, I mourn. Yet, I choose to stare death in the face and not back down. Because behind me, within me, and around me, God stands ready. With arms of love open and willing to embrace me, and you, in those tough moments. Because I know death isn’t the end. It’s just the end of this part of life. And it hurts. But that hurt is worth the life lived in love. And I’ll do it over and over again, I’ll hurt in those moments because of the blessing God gave me through that person’s earthly life.
So. I grieve. But I do so with my head held high. Because God has his hands under my chin, reminding me to look ahead and hold my faith closely. That one day, I will be a saint alongside my lost ones, and on that day, I’ll rejoice. Because, while I may grieve here, while I may feel death’s sting, I know that my redeemer lives.
And I know that love is still here, and joy will seep through the cracks of our broken hearts, because of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Because God is here.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+