There’s a song by Guns N’ Roses entitled “Patience”. In it, modern theologian Axl Rose (not a theologian, yes that’s how he spells his name) ends the song with repeating the words, “Patience, yeah, yeah…just a little patience.” It was one of the first songs I learned to play and sing, so, knowing the tune and the lyrics as I do, the words have been on repeat in my mind, lately.
They say patience is a virtue, but sometimes I wonder how virtuous I am. I tend toward quick decisions (here’s looking at you ‘J’ on the Meyer’s Briggs) and I lean toward having a good idea of what I expect from the work I have done throughout my life. Yet, my expectations aren’t reality—they are sometimes on another plane of existence—and I recognize my inability to practice ‘just a little patience’ in those moments. I have worked on this throughout the years and I find myself getting more patient with some things as I age; yet, with others? I have developed an eroding fuse.
I wonder at this. What’s so difficult about patience? Why does it elude me? Then, I recognize that I am not alone; the other citizens of this planet also struggle with varying degrees of situational, and even long-term, patience. We lack patience in our conversations, only half-listening while bursting at the seams to have our turn to talk. We lose patience with our loved ones, though I believe this instance to reflect the adage, “we’re hardest on those we love” (that doesn’t make it okay.) We show little patience with the incarcerated, the impoverished, the theologically different, and many more groups of people. We have little patience, it seems, concerning anything to do with what ‘we’ want or expect. Yet, when someone else has an issue? We become some kind of pseudo-sage that starts humming ‘ohhhhm’, telling the person across from us to have patience, that everything will work out in God’s time.
Dude, really? That’s where we’re going with this? When we become impatient, others around us, the world and God are to blame. When others practice that very same impatience, they should just calm down and allow the moment to unfold? Um, this is pot, calling for kettle, party of everyone.
The truth, at least as I see it, is that patience isn’t a virtue at all. It’s a trait that some people hold more sway over than others. Much like being a singer, I think people are born with a bit more aptitude toward being calm, and they also work on that to foster a greater sense of patience from it. Likewise, people born without a modicum of ‘chill’ would also do well to work on it, do breathing exercises or something. I don’t know, I tend to fall in the latter group.
What I do know is this: Without faith, and without actively praying about situations within which I feel untethered, patience is impossible for me. Adding to that, I also seek out opinions of others around me regarding rough situations and actually attempt to listen to them, rather than thinking of ways to defend my words or actions. Am I always successful? Big nope. But at least I try. As for others around me, I find that it’s easier and easier to be patient with them when I’m doing better in my prayer life versus not. Christ compels all of us to be kind, not nice, and yes there is a difference. Being nice is nodding, smiling, and beating feet to get away from the situation as fast as possible. Being kind is to be present to someone who is showing a lack of patience, it might be all they need in that moment—perhaps they don’t need to be ‘fixed’, just heard. Let people finish their words, allow people the agency to vent, and most of the horde will come to an end-point on their own. Perhaps we should have the patience for them. That way, when it's our time to shine with impatience, they can return that grace and allow us the same safe space.
Just listen. Be present. And be grateful that, during our times of impatience, that person chose to do the same. We don’t need to fix people’s problems, not all the time. We don’t need to think of wise words whilst others are speaking, especially when said advice wasn’t solicited. We don’t need to offer an opinion on every situation, or question everything all the time—especially when the person on the other end of the line is clearly struggling. Sometimes, all we need is a little patience.
Just a little patience, yeah?
Yeah.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+