Do we really believe in forgiveness? I mean really. Every single human that has ever been born (with the exception of one) has committed sin, in one way or another. What’s interesting to me is that, as a people, we have decided which sins count and which ones don’t. But the reality is this: We really just condemn people based on the sins that we dislike the most; for some, it’s murder, others it’s lying, and the list goes on. This has been brought home in extraordinary ways this past week with the death of Kobe Bryant. The amount of opinions concerning his legacy are overwhelming; some people say that he’s a hero, while others maintain that he shouldn’t be remembered as anything other than a criminal. Why does it have to be either/or? Why can’t we acknowledge that Kobe did some spectacular things in his life, and also committed some egregious sins against his neighbor? Why do we have to refuse one side in favor of the other?
Kobe is my favorite athlete of all-time. I should say that, just to get it out. Watching him on the court was like watching magic happen—the things he could do with a basketball were mesmerizing. At the same time, I felt so embarrassed, ashamed and angry with him when his dark deeds were made public. I couldn’t believe that someone I enjoyed so much could do such an atrocious thing. Nothing can make up for what he did, no matter the verdict from the court. But—and most don’t know this because they stopped watching his progress, directly after the allegation—he started making changes in his life. And I kept watching.
And that’s really all we can ask of people, isn’t it? We live in a society hell-bent on deleting people immediately after they sin. We have very little room in our hearts for forgiveness—and just to make it clear: Forgiveness is not forgetfulness, nor does it make the transgression ‘go away’. Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation, nor should there be an expectation of the victim to EVER feel beholden to returning to relationship with the offender. Ever. But deleting people is also not the answer. If God were to delete us for our largest and most egregious offenses, most of us would’ve disappeared quite a long time ago, during our teens or twenties. And yet, here we are, worshiping in God’s house, trying to do better.
I have to believe that we are the sum of our actions, but we are also the sum of our intentions afterward. We cannot simply rest in a state of sin and expect salvation, but we cannot move forward if others won’t allow it. As modern theologian Nicole Ekberg said to me, “Forgiveness seems to have turned into a convenience instead of what it’s supposed to be.” I couldn’t have said it better. Too many times we expect too much of our leadership and our neighbors. Nothing will ever make what we’ve done ‘okay’, but attempting to change will make us better than we were. Forgiveness is a part of that, too. In order to be forgiven, we also must choose to forgive. Again, that doesn’t mean that the atrocity disappears or that whatever happened is ‘ok’. It simply means that we have elected to choose grace instead of the delete button. Allowing people the opportunity to change and grow is one of the most important things we can do as human beings. I am not perfect. Neither are you. Remembering that when someone else offends is perhaps the greatest action we can commit, in order to allow us to forgive while still remaining watchful. It’s a tough road to travel, but it’s the road God calls us to traverse. Try to remember that people are fallible, and not all deserve to be a part of your life; but also remember that grace is given to everyone…it’s how they receive it that matters, and how they try to change afterward. Hopefully we all earn the forgiveness given to us, in the end.
Faithfully,
Fr. Sean+